Apologies for the essay-like title, but I am writing this post in response to Adrian Warnock’s posts on Patheos (“A conversation about faith and mental illness” and “How has faith shaped our view of mental illness?”). He asks a question, in the light of the publishing of Amy Simpson’s book Troubled Minds and the suicide of Matthew Warren. His question is:

How has your religious community historically seen mental illness? And how does your faith, today, shape the way you see mental illness?

My religious community would be, I suppose, the Anglican church of which I am now a member. I am aware of the leadership of the church writing, reflecting and seeking to support the mentally-ill, that there are books, sermons and so on that have been preached about mental ill-health. On the ground, I am also aware of prayers for those who are depressed, certainly, appearing in our weekly pew sheet. I would say that the Church of England as a whole is supportive, although they reflect the wider culture in that mental illness is not often mentioned at all, and I have no real idea what individual church members would have to say about mental illness.

While I would like to “come out” as being bipolar, I have, so far, been too scared of possible negative reactions to it to actually speak out. I’m probably worrying about nothing, but the reactions I have sometimes had from secular friends and employers have not filled me with confidence, and I worry that, should I lose the respect or friendship of those who I know in church, might damage my faith.

Certainly, when a priest of ours was ill with depression, her illness was not often named, and when it was, it was in hushed tones more appropriate to some unpleasant or embarrassing disease. I will tell all, when it is appropriate – for me, that means when I feel able to tell our vicar, because he alone does need to know, because I am exploring a possible call to ordination with him, and that is something he – and others – will have to consider when discerning my future.

So, on the first part of this question, I think that my denomination itself is quite supportive, but not visibly so, on a local level. I don’t know how many churches really do go out of their way to address mental health, particularly issues of depression and anxiety, which are more common, and will certainly affect some of the church congregation at some point.

The Baptist church I attended previously to this one was very mental health-friendly, because the majority of our congregation came from the mental hospital nearby (as indeed did I), and it is my belief that services were structured, particularly when I first attended, to help with the needs of people who were unwell (such as having impaired concentration), and I know a simple liturgy helped me when I was in the darkest depression, rather than the more freeform worship we had later on.

How does my faith shape the way I see mental illness?

My understanding of the more technical aspects of mental illness is quite limited. I am a sufferer, but not an especially well-read one, and sometimes other sufferers talk about things I have never encountered, such as the recovery model. I probably hold to an overly simplistic view of mental illness, which is that it is largely a medical problem, caused by biological factors, and which, in part, can be treated by medication. I assiduously take my medication, and always have done, and it is that, I believe, which has meant that my episodes of illness have never again been as bad as the first episode I had.

The Spiritual Side to Sickness

That said, I do think that there can be a spiritual element to illness – that a spiritual sickness can manifest itself in depression-like symptoms — that guilt can be mistaken for a mental health problem. I believe that Jesus’ encounter with demoniacs shows that some symptoms we might assume were mental health-related (such as the self harm, shouting, clearly disturbed behaviour of the Gerasene demoniac in Mark 5) were actually caused by demons.

However, I don’t think that demonic influence should be our first assumption. Just as some people had spirits of deafness, muteness and being crippled, it does not mean that we assume all people who are deaf, mute or crippled* have demons, neither do I think that we should assume the mentally-ill are possessed either.

My personal belief is that an anti-depressant used to mask symptoms of spiritual sin/sickness will be ineffective in the long term, that the issue which is causing the sickness, the sin, will continue to make the person sick until it is dealt with. I see that as being similar to problems helped by therapy. If there is a poison, an unresolved problem which has not been helped in a person’s life, then that problem will continue to affect that person until something is done to help.

If it is a sin, then repentance, if it is harmful memories, for instance, then working them through with a therapist/counsellor would, I think, be helpful. I have received some counselling for anxiety problems which has helped me understand my own illness better (they now tell me I have “good insight”)  and I can see that being helpful for others.

What Our Sinful World Causes

I do think that mental illness is caused by sin – but not the personal sin of the sufferer. I think that mental illness is a problem for a sin-broken world, for the world post-Fall, a world in which diseases are visited on the innocent, where people suffer and should not, a world which is coming to an end.

I think it is deeply hurtful and damaging when Christians accuse people who are depressed, bipolar, schizophrenic or who have any of the other varieties of mental illness of being more sinful than other people, of being the cause of their own affliction. It is similar to the way that the world says that a depressed person, for instance, is lazy, and just needs to “pull themselves together."

There is a reluctance to acknowledge that mental problems can descend on a person who has done nothing to deserve them, and who can do little besides comply with treatment to make themselves better.

Realizing It's Okay to Not Have All the Answers

My faith has helped me make sense of my illness, but has also caused me some struggles. Trying to figure out “why” and ending up having to say that I don’t know why I was given this, why I have suffered and the personal difficulties with things like employment that it has brought were given to me. I read the Bible and am comforted that other people faced the same question, and the book of Job has given me a great deal of help. I think that I cannot say “God gave me bipolar because X” – it is simply not something I can know at this time.

What illness has done for me is make me more reliant on God, realising that I simply have to trust him, that I have to take that step of faith, or else reject him. It was in the depths of the most awful depression I have ever experienced that I found my faith, that, when all else was gone, there was something in me that reached out. I did not receive instant healing – I don’t, to be honest, know that I even expected it, but I have found a faith that has lasted these 10 years, with few major troubles or problems with faith since then.

I am sensitive, even over-sensitive, to questions of healing, and have some reservations about charismatics/pentecostal brothers and sisters because of it. I have heard (online more than in person) too much about claims of instant healing for every illness, which, when they do not happen, are then said to be the fault of the sufferer. I am very wary of claims that God will do, must do, what any human tells him, but I don’t know that I would be quite so wary of that side of the church if I didn’t have an incurable illness myself.

How My Disorder Helps Me Grow Spiritually

In some ways I feel like having my weakness, bipolar disorder, has made me more than I was before, and while I have lost a great deal, I do also feel like I have gained some things. More concern for others, a stronger and a more considered faith than before are two of those things. I also treasure times when I am well, such as at the moment, all the more because I have experienced illness.

If there is one thing above all that my faith says to my illness it is trust : trust in God, trust in his plans and his purpose. There is no “knowing” – just faith. For so long I wanted faith and couldn’t make it come, but when my depression robbed me of everything I had, then there was faith. For me, faith and mental illness are twisted together, and that is why, on this blog, I write entirely on the two topics.

CC Photo by PhotographyWorlds.com

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I’m beginning a new series of posts that I hope to continue as I have more time to visit the various North Texas farmer’s markets. My goal is to highlight a new farmer, producer, etc. each time I visit a market.

Last Saturday, I visited one of my favorites, the Coppell Farmer’s Market. I picked up my pre-orders and filled my bags with some great local produce and products. Today, I’m highlighting Fain’s Honey with this delicious cookie dough bar recipe.

These little bars can be adapted to fit different needs and taste buds. They are full of beneficial fats and low in sugar. You can make several ahead of time and pull them out one at a time if you have a craving for something a little more rich than fruit.

Gluten Free Cookie Dough Bars | Servings: 16 squares

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 C ground almonds
• 1 C unsweetened shredded coconut
• 1/2 C tahini
• 1/4 C raw cacao nibs
• 1/4 tsp fine sea salt
• 1/2 C coconut oil
• 2 Tbsp raw honey
• 2 tsp vanilla

Directions:

1. If you don’t already have ground almonds, place plain almonds in a food processor and process until you have ground almonds. Be sure not to process too much or you’ll end up with almond flour or butter. You can get an idea of what they should look like in the photo below.
    
2. Place ground almonds, unsweetened shredded coconut, tahini, salt and cacao nibs in food processor. Pulse approximately 10 seconds.
    
3. Carefully heat coconut oil in a sauce pan, being careful not to burn.
    
4. Add honey and vanilla to coconut oil and mix well.
    
5. Add mixture in sauce pan to nut mixture in food processor and process until creamy.
    
6. Pour into an 8×8 pan. You can line with parchment paper or plastic wrap to make removal easier if you’d like.
    
7. Place in refrigerator for 30 minutes.
    
8. Remove from refrigerator and slice into squares.

Optional:

Melt 1 oz of dark chocolate in a sauce pan. This is my personal favorite! Remove refrigerated cookie dough and drizzle melted chocolate over the top. Return to refrigerator for 30 minutes. If you don’t have any chocolate, don’t let that stop you from making these. They’re plenty sweet without it.

More options:

Try almond butter or sunflower butter in place of tahini, or walnuts in place of almonds. Use what you like or what you have on hand and change it up until you find your favorite combination.

Notes:

Nuts and seeds can be difficult to digest and cause distress for some people. Soaking and lightly roasting the nuts prior to beginning the recipe can help improve digestion.

Find more content like this in Imago Wellness Center or the Cafe.

Some folks eat fish because they love it, not just because it's healthy. Other folks don’t like it, but figure they better get their Omega 3′s. Note: If you are into fish for health reasons, look for wild-caught, especially salmon. It’s loaded with the oils you need. (Read this article or this one, on why wild is so much better than farmed — quite convincing!)

And still other folks hate fish. But maybe it’s because they’ve never had fresh fish. That can make all the difference.

From a  culinary standpoint, you really can use frozen fish on certain occasions, for various reasons.

1. Frozen fish is way fresher than “fresh” fish that hung out too long.
    
2. Frozen fish is so convenient to make into a meal, especially when the fridge is bare.
    
3. Many frozen varieties taste close enough to fresh fish, if made in the right dishes.

However, a recent purchase confirmed my other suspicion: that fresh fish from a reputable source is better than anything. I had worked up a recipe for Baked Tuna, and it works quite well with the frozen tuna steaks I picked up at Trader Joe’s. Meaning, it’s tender enough, and pretty tasty in general.

But then I picked up some “Sear-Grade” tuna from a local specialty shop (“Berkeley Bowl” to be exact). Wow. There is a difference. I had bought fresh tuna steaks from another shop before, and they had seemed just a little better than frozen. But the “sear-grade” was what I’d been looking for. It was more like the stuff I eat on special occasions at fancy restaurants. In such establishments, they typically sear the tuna; it’s often “encrusted” with something exotic, like ground black sesame seeds and Wasabi powder, etc. The restaurant entree is always insanely tender and delicious, even cooked rare.

I can now officially tell you that maybe you do get what you pay for. The “sear-grade” tuna costs a bit more than other options (except “sashimi-grade,” which is an even better grade). But it is a special treat.

If the pocket book says no, or the convenience factor of Trader Joe’s frozen tuna steaks is too high, stick with a simple baked fish recipe. But if you can afford the treat, go for “sear grade.”

“Mark’s Daily Apple” has a great post here on making healthy fish choices (concerning sustainability and toxins).

CC Photo on Flickr

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It’s about time!

That’s what I thought as I read the wisdom-packed pages of Tim Kimmel’s latest book Connecting Church & Home.  Tim Kimmel is the founder of Family Matters and long-time cheerleader for grace-based parenting. You can check out the Family Matters site here for a lot of valuable parenting resources.

Connecting Church & Home is a quick, easy read that should be required for any family ministry leader. For that matter, any pastor who claims to care about families in the church should be embarrassed at not having at least thumbed through Kimmel’s book.

It’s not because Kimmel is awesome, though I’m sure he’s a great guy. It’s because the Biblical truth creatively packaged within its pages has never been more relevant to churches and families than right now.

The Goal

Tim Kimmel’s goal is simple:  to help parents step up their game. I think this book achieves that goal — if parents and ministry leaders have the guts to read it.

That being said, Connecting Church and Home is not an adversarial read in any way. Quite the opposite. Even though Kimmel challenges the status quo in many churches and homes, his style is a supportive, friendly — dare I say — grace-based one that begins and ends with God’s unmerited favor on us all.

I have many concerns about what passes for family ministry in many churches these days. All too often, sincere servants of Christ engage in what I call faith-enabling instead of faith-strengthening. They become a crutch for parents instead of a workout coach. They try to sell their services as child-fixers to fit a niche in the marketplace, if you will — a niche they can never fill, no matter how hard they try. But they look darn good doing it.

It’s as if some sincere church leaders have resigned themselves to the fact that most parents are no good at this child-rearing stuff — so they’ll try to do it for them. A similar mindset infects many of our schools. But it can never work. Neither the church nor the school — nor the government – was created to be a parent.

Connecting to the Child’s Heart

Kimmel rightly nails the core of the issue in this way: The role of a parent is to connect to the heart of his or her child in such a way he or she prepares that child to more easily connect to the heart of God. (21)

A long-time pet peeve of mine has been the modern church’s commitment to splitting up the family during worship service.  [See my post Where Have All the Children Gone? ]  I realize there can be arguments on all sides of this issue, but it’s always felt as if we were unintentionally creating two different churches that, over time, would inevitably conflict with one another. Rather than grafting in the next generation to the existing Body, we plant them in another field altogether — then seem surprised when they want little to do with our approach to the Faith.

Along the same line of seeking generational unity, Kimmel shares a paradigm that accurately captures the broader schism over how to minister to families in the Church at large. He cites a key conversation with a friend, Joe Erhman, that I found illuminating:

“I notice three categories of church.

There are Word churches. Their focus is on powerful preaching and teaching of the Scripture… a sophisticated understanding of …doctrine, theology, and orthodoxy….

The second kind…is Wonder churches. This is a church that seems keenly aware of  the greater battle going on between the forces of evil and Almighty God…. Charismatic and Pentecostal churches come to mind….

Then there is the third kind…the Work church. This is a church that is extremely sensitive to the distress going on within the human drama around them. They see poverty, high control, abuse, and injustice and are quick to jump into the middle of it and do something about it…. The Catholic Church has traditionally played this role throughout church history.

Question: Which of these three is the church supposed to be?”

The answer just about knocked me out of my chair. It’s supposed to be all of them… simultaneously — in balance and harmony. (92)

Kimmel also offers a creative paradigm for connecting grace-based parenting with grace-based church ministry. His work is based on his own church’s careful journey to uncover a more biblical approach to family ministry. Essentially, they started at the Bible and went from there. Yet he is quick to point out that he is not trying to spark some new “movement:”

This isn’t a “movement” within family ministry. I’m leery of movements — at least church movements…. God’s transforming grace was never meant to be a”flash point”  (i.e. movement) on Church history’s calendar, but an anchor tenant of the gospel. All we’re talking about in this book is the way it was supposed to be from the beginning. (86) [ Tweet this! ]

Welcome to Family Land!

I love what their team has done in creating a terrific, Disney-esque tool called Family Land — a “comprehensive ‘Big-Picture’ strategy for  family ministry.” It’s a creative, interactive tool designed to give a clear yet playful road map for churches, families, and kids to truly connect in this grace-based journey. You can click here to explore further but here’s a glimpse of the fun that awaits:

The Elephant in the Room

For those still unsure whether the book will be worth the read, I leave you with this closing thought from Kimmel as an example of the wisdom to be easily gleaned from its relatively short 137 pages:

Friend, there’s a lot of family ministry and Christian parenting going on that contradicts the message its trying to send to the people involved.  I see a lot of emphasis placed on spiritual performance, behavioral  report carding, creating biblical elitism, guilting people who struggle, shaming people who fall, nagging people who are slow to buy in, marginalizing people who question, and rejecting people who refuse to toe the line. My question: Is that how God treats us?  (48)

Kimmel defines grace-based relationships as simply this: “treating others the way God treats us.” Sounds like a plan truly connect church and home.

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Photo cc on Flickr.

The time has come to replace the 4Runner. I was a little shocked to realize today that I’ve had the 4Runner for 6 years. I bought it with a lot of miles on it and wasn’t sure how long it would last, and while there is an ever growing list of things that could use a repair, it just keeps going. It was useful for me in getting my race car to the track, and it was really fun in the snow and ice, but as a second car for our family, it’s no longer the best option.

So I started looking for a smaller car a while back, scouring craigslist and facebook auto groups and classified ads, etc. Last Sunday, my friend Nick and I drove to Cheyenne to buy a little Audi A4. It’s about 15 years past its prime and has a lot of miles, too, but I hope it’ll work out as well as the Toyota has for us. As I was driving it home, I got to thinking about my car history a little bit. A couple mini vans, the A4 & the 4Runner, a little Dodge Avenger that was a lot of fun… And I started calculating the money we’ve saved by driving old cars. In comparison to buying what I wanted, we’ve saved over $45,000 in just the last 6 years!

The commercials tell me I need a better car.

The bank tells me I can afford a better car.

When I drive by the car lot, or worse yet when I stand in a showroom, my pride tells me I deserve a better car.

When I look at a Wednesday night parking lot full of my students’ cars, and my car is about the crappiest one there, my sense of entitlement tells me I should have a better car.

But I don’t.

This goes way beyond cars, but I wonder how much money we actually waste by buying what we want, when we want it? Our desire for instant gratification will kill the economics of our families if we don’t kill it first. Please don’t misunderstand me here. I’m not pointing out myself as the model of self-denial and contentment. The truth is, if I wasn’t so set on not having car payments, I’d be driving newer vehicles. If I didn’t have a wife who’s not impressed with my driving prowess but loves me unconditionally for a whole lot of more meaningful reasons, I’d replace cars a lot more often. If I could afford nicer cars, I’d probably have one. But I’m more proud that the car is paid for than that is has a flawless paint job. I didn’t have to become a slave to the bank for the next 48-60 months in order to buy it.

And that’s kind of the point. Whether it’s clothes or vacations or homes or cars … what if we based our decisions less on what we wanted and more on what we could actually afford? Could we find more meaningful ways to use the money we’ve saved by slowing down?

How do you save a lot of money really fast? Don’t spend it.

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Today I spent an hour calling everyone I thought could help after being told our little Boots was no longer covered under Indiana Medicaid.

Let me back up.

Boots is getting teeth. And Steel has this cough/runny nose that never quits. And this morning they both sounded a bit rattly in their chest. Boots is prone to ear infections, so Joe and I decided to have them checked out. (If you are new here, Boots and Steel are our foster sons. They have been residing here for about 6 months. And if you are new, you better jump over to the sidebar to the right and subscribe.)

Both kids have ear infections. So our wonderful nurse practitioner (who we see because not a pediatrician in town would take our wonderful Medicaid) writes us some scrips, and we take them to CVS. No problem, we use CVS all the time.

An hour later, I go to pick them up. Using my favorite feature at CVS, I do the drive through. And the nice lady in the window takes their info and then tells me that Boot’s medicaid is no good anymore. Here is our convo:

Window Lady: Um, it seems that Boot’s medicaid is no longer good.
Me: What do you mean?
WL: Well it was declined. It said he was no longer eligible for coverage.
M: But of course he is, he is a foster child.
WL: It said he wasn’t
M: He is. Let me get you his card.
WL: We ran it twice it didn’t work. You have to call Medicaid.
M: Seriously?
WL: Yes Ma’am.

So I leave CVS feeling frustrated. And I call DCS. They say he is still covered. So I call Medicaid. They say everything is good on their end.

So now I am getting angry at CVS for messing up. Because OF COURSE it’s their fault, right? I pull back into the parking lot, and march into the store, ready to make some heads roll. And it hits me.

His name is wrong.

Boot’s has two names. LIke maybe Sneakers is his given name, but everyone calls him Boots. And Indiana put Boots on his medicaid card. But the prescription was written to Sneakers.

I find Window Lady and I give her the card, and ask her to check his name. She does. It was the problem, and she quickly re-runs his medicaid under Boots and I”m out of there with the meds.

This is foster care, people. Having to call two government agencies just to pick up a prescription for my kid. Having to remember that this child has another name that nobody (including the state of Indiana) uses. A name I did not give him, and was not told about until the first time I tried to take him to the doctor and was told they had no record of a Boots, but they did have a Sneakers with the same birthdate and social….

Trying daily to put the pieces together to learn as much about these kids as you can. That is foster care.

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Photo cc on Flickr.

Four generations of my family gathered this week at my parents’ home. My mom and dad longed to see their first great-grandchild, but cannot make the long highway drive to go to him. So, I traveled from Houston to Dallas, picked up my daughter Kelley and her one-year old Micah, and together we made the trip to Shreveport.

It’s a little weird being in the middle of the generational line. I am that proverbial “sandwich.” On one side, I’m pressed by the bittersweet journey of watching my aging parents and all that comes with the process. On the other, stands the joyful excitement of walking with my daughter and son-in-law as they parent my first grandchild.

Cord of Faith

As I contemplate this inevitable life role, I am thankfully aware of an invisible, but strong, cord running both directions. From my parents through me to my daughter and beyond, flows a current of faith in Christ our Savior. It binds our hearts and lives together now and into eternity.

My mother and father’s commitment before my birth to obey God’s call to parents initiated this faith flow. They took God’s Word seriously.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9 NIV).

My parents’ obedience not only pointed me toward a saving relationship with Christ, it also fostered a desire to continue this legacy of faith as my husband and I raised our own children. And now Kelley and Jeremy embrace the same responsibility with precious Micah.

Leave a Spiritual Legacy

In honor of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, this post is the first in a series about building a legacy of faith in our families. For the rest of May, we will see what the Bible says on the topic and consider practical ways we can foster faith in Christ in the heart of our children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and anyone else God has placed into our lives.  I’d love to have you along for the journey!

Did your parents work to pass down a legacy of faith to you? If so, what difference did it make in your life? Have you committed to passing along your faith to the next generation?

Find more content like this in Strive.

*The photo shows Kathy's parents with her daughter Kelley and grandson Micah.

It all happens in a flash. Our youngest turns 8 and counts the minutes until his friends arrive for backyard maniac birthday party. My eldest turns 21 and heads to Prague with his collegiate basketball team to inspire high school students to strive for an uplifted life. Then, of course, he’s taking the dozens of dollars he’ll have left to tour Germany and Austria for an extra week. (Ah, yes.  No “SendMoney” phone calls coming from that one, right?) In the middle of our home-tribe, is a beautiful and high-integrity 15 year old part-young-woman and part-little-girl who is trying figure out how she thinks about smut on instagram.

Lots of parents who have a long span of years between kids’ Birth Days need to operate with a form of parental schizophrenia, flipping instantly between wacky personas like The Magnificent Mad Madam Mimm. “Eat your vegetables” from across the table, to a casual “How are your psych finals?” from 3,200 miles away, to sitting on the side of her bed asking, “do you really want to read some sloppy writing about imaginary girls doing icky things to Harry Styles?”

Our role with each of them is altogether separate and distinct, but at the same time, arduously consistent. Certainly we hope to be better parents as we grow in experience, even though the eldest would interpret my evolved calmness as Code Red Unfair Leniency. But for sure, even though we’re facing cultural situations that didn’t exist 6 years ago, my role as parent hasn’t changed. I thank God for a marriage that provides a healthy center, and a foundation that seeks unified wisdom in leading our kids.

Remember that ten years ago I was a living metaphor of “put the oxygen mask on your self first before attempting to help others.” I do know the importance of healthy parenting, no matter which box you check on the “marital status” question, and laughter is often still the best medicine. Bottom line: we do our best to teach them to be independent, thoughtful citizens and inspired God-seekers.

But I confess this season is getting a little intense.

I drop off the youngest at the bus stop to hollers of “you can leave, mom” while he climbs as high as he can on the No Parking sign. Then I pull up the latest image (see above) of my eldest, perched on the edge of a cliff, hollering about his encounter with God and overcoming fear.

No ropes. Mother’s heart stopped.

It doesn’t get easier as they get older, just more rewarding as they learn to fly well.

I’m not foolish enough to think I can take credit for the success of my children. But with God’s help we won’t get in the way, or better yet we could effectively encourage the magnificent possibilities He has in store for them.

Today, though, the pile of concerns rises over my head and I certainly hope at the end of it, there’s a peaceful glass of wine over which I will ponder the joy of trusting and letting go.

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Over the last three years, my heart has been broken in a greater way concerning issues of justice. One area in particular has gripped my heart with such sadness that I want to do everything in my power to bring awareness and help bring an end it to. That is the area of human trafficking.

When I was presented with the opportunity to review Rescuing Hope: A Story of Sex Trafficking in America by Susan Norris, I knew I could not say no. To think that girls as young as my own daughters, or younger, are taken and stripped of their innocence while being held captive and sold for sex is something I can hardly think about.

Every two minutes, evil strips innocence from a child and sells her into slavery. For sex. Not in a third world country, but in America. Before you take another breath, the next victim will be taken or tricked from her family by a profit-hungry criminal. She could be a neighbor. A friend. Your sister. Your daughter.

I have been crying out for God to “break my heart for what breaks His.” This book did just that. United States. As a matter of fact, three years ago while I attended a summit on human trafficking in my home town, a house was raided and four girls were rescued. This happened in my own backyard, literally blocks from where I live.

At fourteen, Hope Ellis is the all-American girl with a good life — until the day she tries to help her mom with their cross-town move by supervising the movers. When they finish, one of the men returns to the house and rapes her. Held silent by his threats, darkness begins to engulf her. But the rape proves to be the least of Hope’s troubles. In a gasping attempt at normalcy, she succumbs to the attention of a smooth-talking man on the subway. He promises acceptance. He declares his love. He lures her out from under the shelter of her suburban life. Hope’s disappearance sets a community in motion. She’s one of their own. They determine to find Hope, whatever the cost, before she’s lost forever. Will you?

My eyes have been opened to how easily young girls can be lured away by men who desire to fulfill the supply and demand of sex for sale. Human trafficking is an overwhelming issue, but together, we can bring awareness and help to make a difference. In the back of the book, the author lists several organizations that you can get involved with to do your part.

Overall, this is a gripping book which will open your eyes to the heart-wrenching truth of human trafficking in the United States. A word of caution for parents: This is not a book that I would allow a young teen to read. It shares very real accounts of rape and sex, and although it’s not racy by any means, I would recommend reading it first and making the right determination for your child.

Has your heart been broken for the issue of human trafficking? Please share our experience in the comments below.

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

*This post is part of a challenge to blog every weekday in the month of April.  You can read more about it here.

The post Rescuing Hope: A Story of Sex Trafficking in America {Book Review} appeared first on My Freshly Brewed Life.

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How do you know if the guy you’re dating is ‘the One’? Will you “just know”?

The scary part about marriage is most people make this decision of gargantuan proportion in love, which by definition means your mind is hazy from all the 3am make-outs and sheer thrill thinking no one has ever loved like this before. Dating Michael for me meant my journal entries were frequent and swirly with emotional statements in all caps like “MICHAEL DEAN IS THE GREATEST ... & HE LOVES ME!” I will tell you that I knew he was ‘the One’ the first month we started talking; he knew I was ‘the One’ after he saw he perform a Taylor Swift song with some kids I was babysitting. Long story.

But how do you know? How do you know if the man you are dating is the person you should spend the rest of your life waking up next to?

We’ll talk more about this in Real Men Don’t Text (which is now just $7 at Amazon & Barnes and Noble), but it isn’t necessarily true that you’ll just know when you meet him. The ability to discern if your guy is right for you depends on who you’ve dated in the past and whether or not you know what a good relationship looks like. For example, if you’ve only dated players or even mediocre guys in the past and suddenly you decide your boyfriend is “the One” — I would caution you to take a step back and really evaluate. Sure, he may be better than all the other guys you’ve ever dated ... but you don’t marry better, you marry best. Amen from the married ladies?

Let’s look at a few characteristics of “the One”:

1.) Your friends and family agree.

Most of them, at least. If most of your friends and family think your guy brings out the best in you and will be a great person to start a life with that is a very good sign you might have found “the One”. You’ll want to be careful here with extremes. If everyone in your life has raised concern–parents, friends, and most people who know you well–I promise they are not trying to bully you; only care for you because they can often see red flags that you can’t. But it’s unreasonable to think that everyone will agree with your decision, so don’t worry if just a handful of people don’t like his taste in music or his career.

2.) Character.

Is he trustworthy? Kind? Forgiving? Character makes marriages stand the test of time. Character is who he is when no one is looking. Does he do what is right or what is easy? Men of high character bring out the best in you. Are you a better version of yourself since meeting him? Will the two of you be better together rather than apart? These are all great questions to consider in making this choice.

3.) You don’t want to change him.

Do you love him just the way he is? Does he love you for you? If you have major changes you’re hoping happen in his life, he’s not “the One”. You can’t marry someone hoping they’ll change; just like he shouldn’t marry you hoping you’ll wake up one day and be a different person. Major changes sound like, “I really hope he stops drinking.”; “I’m praying for him to believe in God”; “I’m hoping he’ll open up to the idea of children.”

4.) Companionship.

You love being with him. You have fun together.  If you couldn’t make out with him, would you just enjoy being around him? Are you friends? The rich companionship in marriage is my favorite part. I’m telling you, Michael Dean makes me laugh more than anyone I know and I have more fun with him than with I could’ve imagined.

5.) He is a servant leader.

Lately, I’ve heard horror stories of ‘Christian men’ berating their wives and running their households like a dictatorship. Jesus demonstrated for men how husbands should love their wives — leading by serving. Michael is an incredible example of this style of leadership and he never demands that I “submit to his authority”. Can you trust him to lead your family? Or will you have to do all the heavy lifting?

6.) You are on the same life path.

Do you want the same things from life? Is his idea of success converting a Muslim country and yours is living down the street from your parents and traveling to the Caribbean every year? Does he want to live in a shoebox apartment in New York, but you can’t stand the city and long for a quiet house on acres of land? Talk about the future now and seriously consider if compromise is possible or if you need to move on. It may not seem like a big deal now, but it will become one.

7.) You have a voice in your relationship.

Does he  make you feel special? Do your opinions matter, or is it all about him?  You will suffer in the long-run if you have to put your dreams and goals on the back burner because he doesn’t see them as valuable.

8.) Chivalry.

Chivalry doesn’t mean you’re not a feminist and it isn’t degrading. Does he care for you and keep you safe? Treat you with respect? Do you feel special when you’re with him? Would he get in a fight on your behalf? Passivity is eating away at many men and you want to marry a man who rejects the urge to sit back.

What would you add to the list? If you are married, I’d love for the single ladies to hear in the comments how you knew your husband was the One.

Find more content like this in Strive.

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