Jealousy In Relationships
When I was 20, I sort-of-dated a bassist in a rock band.
From behind merch tables in crowded church halls, I'd watch him while he'd sign posters with Sharpies and take pictures with fans.
While he made small talk surrounded by flirty girls, I pretended not to feel what I probably usually felt:
To be jealous in the context of dating or marriage is to "feel or show suspicion of unfaithfulness in a relationship." To express jealousy (implicitly or explicitly) is, in my observation, on a lot of peoples' unwritten lists of "what not to do when you're dating."
This is probably because the phrases "jealous person" and "crazy person" are often unfortunately used interchangeably.
This is probably preventable, especially before you're married.
Best case scenario is to discuss what is and isn't appropriate in the eyes of somebody else before you marry him or her. If you think his or her expectations of you are unreasonable, don't get married.
But what if you're pretty committed or already married?
If you feel jealous because of something your significant other or spouse does, it could be for a couple of reasons: because he or she is being unfaithful, or because you associate what he or she does with unfaithfulness (regardless of whether the two are truly connected).
That you feel what you feel is neutral. It is neither bad nor good. What determines if something is bad or good is what you do with it.
You could harbor your feelings for fear he or she will call you crazy if you express them, or you can communicate with him or her authentically. You could irrationally decide you're certain what he or she does is indicative of infidelity, or you can tell him or her what happens in your head when he or she does it.
If your significant other or spouse feels jealous because of something you do, it could be for one of the same reasons: because you're being unfaithful, or because he or she associates what you do with unfaithfulness (regardless of whether the two are truly connected).
If you aren't being unfaithful, and don't associate what you do with unfaithfulness, his or her suspicions will probably bother you.
That his or her suspicions bother you is neutral, too. It is neither bad nor good. What's bad or good is what you do with it.
You could call him or her crazy, or you can respond with respect for and sensitivity to his or her feelings and thoughts. You could refrain from modifying your behavior out of pride or principle, i.e., "I will not stop doing X because X does not mean I am unfaithful." Or, you can patiently work with your him or her (and with a counselor when necessary) to strengthen or rebuild trust regardless of whether what you did warranted a rift.
- Lori Fogleman published the blogpost What national voices are saying about Baylor’s McLane Stadium.
- Bill Reichart published the blogpost 4 Simple But Yet Crucial Reminders For Every Leader.
- Michael Ernest published the blogpost Sanctus Real to release new album, ‘The Dream’ October 14.
- solomon david published the blogpost WordPress Gallery Plugin Displays Images And Video Beautifully.
- solomon david published the blogpost Windows Phone 8.1 Brings Improved YouTube Experience, Lock Screen & More.
- Brad Andres published the blogpost Whether You Walk On Water or Take A Swim, “The Water Feels Alright”.
- Michael Ernest published the blogpost ‘I’m Not Religious at All, I Have a Relationship With God’ – Lecrae.
- Mike Liebler published the blogpost Tips for Engaging Volunteers in your Youth Program.
- Courtney Rowland published the blogpost Grilled Flank Steak Sandwiches with Caramelized Onions and Mushrooms #WeekdaySupper.
- Michael Ernest published the blogpost Meet Worship leader Bridgett Kern, listen to new single.
- Brian Dodd published the blogpost 7 Habits Of An Unhealthy Culture vs. 7 Habits Of A Healthy Culture.
- Edgar Galdamez published the blogpost The Life of a Pastor: Service, Stress, Solitude, Sacrifice.
- George Bullard published the blogpost Are Millennials Different than Baby Boomers 40 Years Ago?.
- Dave Dunham published the blogpost A Review of “Loss of Sadness” by Allan Horwitz and Jerome Wakefield.
- Patricia Hunter published the blogpost Labor Day::thankful for the gift of work and the labor of love....
- Lee Sah Lim published the blogpost Bangkok IV: Damnoen Saduak Floating Market And MBK Center.
- Brad Hambrick published the blogpost Psalm 88 Sermon Follow Up: “Will Life Ever Get Better?”.
- Mike Liebler published the blogpost Are You Engaged With Teenagers Where They’re Growing Spiritually?.
- Mike Liebler published the blogpost 5 Roles Youth Workers Play In The Lives Of Teenagers.