February 7, 2012

Life as a MRS

 

Envy. Jealousy. Comparison. Who do you compare yourself to? I have found myself preoccupied lately with feelings of inadequacy. I will never be a good enough wife. I will never look as good as her. And on the list goes.

I compare myself to everyone. When I was in college it was girls in my sorority. When I was in China, I was obsessed with fitting in among the other missionaries (which didn’t work). And now that I have the three letters M-R-S on the front of my name — I compare myself to married women.

Michael and I live in a slightly . . . umm, well let’s just say less-than-extravagant duplex. Yes, 5009 B is where I burn toast, nearly slice my fingers off, and learn that a clove of garlic is not entire head. It’s a great place to start out . . . don’t get me wrong . . . but the washer and dryer in the kitchen, non-existent storage space, and the fact that my clothes won’t fit in the closet in our bedroom . . . it lends itself to chaos and a need for Extreme Makeover Home Edition.

And I’m just not one of those DIY, creative women who can turn clutter and chaos into a home that looks like Pottery Barn plopped down on top of it. I don’t craft. I don’t paint. I don’t like to decorate. We don’t even have curtains in our living room yet, because I’ve bought 10 sets and returned all of them. I have “indecisiva.” Still waiting for a cure.

Last night, Michael and I went to a couple’s house with several other couples from our church and I said, “I don’t want any of them to come over to our house.”
My reasons? I compared myself to everyone at the party. Especially the hostess.

She is PERFECT {or so it seemed}. Her house was vintage, yet new and totally spacious and welcoming. SHE GARDENS and brought us cherry tomatoes from her garden. She made us homemade ice cream. FAIL-URE. How could I ever in 1 million years be like her?

I tried to ‘think positively’ and think of some traits about myself that I like. I can read fast? Stupid. I can speak Chinese? So can 1/2 the planet. Nothing helped. I just wanted to be someone else.

I have to think that I’m not alone. As women, isn’t it easy to focus on what everyone else is and we’re not?

But the truth is we are made in God’s image to bring life and strength into other people’s lives. But how can we do that if we are trying to be like everyone else? God made us different for a reason. Each of us has many shortcomings, but also many strengths. We have to FIGHT to see ourselves as beautiful and unique and created in the image of God. He didn’t make us all the same, because each of us brings a different element of beauty and grace into this broken world.

Some of us are naturally going to be thinner than others. Some women can whip up french looking desserts effortlessly. Some have green thumbs. Some have the gift of hostessing. Some women have the gift of encouragement. What is one area of strength you can focus on today?

I am not the perfect wife. Nor will I ever be. Friends and sisters — I challenge you to join me in reminding yourself of your true worth. We are NOT a number on the scale.  We are NOT our jobs. We are NOT our relationship status. We are NOT our houses.

We are His beloved daughters. We were created to be different, to look different, and to serve in different ways. We all have a tendency to burn things — give yourself grace today to be who you were created to be.

Do you struggle with comparing yourself? Who do you compare yourself to and why? I’d love feedback from women who can relate.

Originally Published: February 7, 2012
Category: Marriage
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