The End of Fear
Last night I tossed and turned for hours. It was so strange — out of nowhere, I woke up with an overwhelming fear for my son’s safety. I was afraid that some day, somewhere, when I am not there to protect him, he would fall. Like, literally, fall — off a balcony, down some stairs, or over a rail.
As random as that fear seems, especially in the middle of the night when Isaac was safe and sound in his crib, the fear isn’t new. Ever since Isaac was born, I’ve had an irrational fear that he would somehow fall from a great height. Some of you might remember that during the first week of his life, I made my dad and brother tie a volleyball net over an open stairwell in our home. It was a major eyesore, but I needed it there. Otherwise, every time I walked by that stairwell it filled me with panic.
Since then, I’ve remained extremely nervous about “fall-zones,” like my parents’ balcony, or my mother-in-law’s stairs. If Isaac is remotely near either one, my blood pressure escalates and I quickly pull him (and by that I mean whoever is holding him) away from the edge. I have no idea where this fear came from, but it has persisted, and now it’s apparently waking me up at night.
What strikes me about this fear is the timing. Everything in our family has been great. Sure, school is busy and our lives are crazy, but crazy in a good way. Our family is in a season of great joy, and we spend most of our days thanking and praising God for His goodness.
That’s the funny thing about fear. Fear can slither in at any time, the good times and the bad. Just when everything is going your way, fear whispers: “This can’t possibly last forever. Something bad is bound to happen. Just. you. wait.”
I don’t know about you, but some of my greatest struggles with fear have occurred during the happiest times of my life. Usually my fear is rooted in some twisted belief about God’s character — that He can only use tragedy to grow me, or that He doesn’t want me to get “spoiled” by His blessing — but the result is always the same: it steals my joy. Rather than revel in God’s provision, I ruin the moment by worrying about the future.
I hate the way fear makes me feel, think, and live. I hate the way fear robs me of joy in the present. And I hate the way fear makes me treat other people. I know the fear is not from God, and that it is the handiwork of His Enemy. I hate it for that reason too.
However, as I work through this crazy fear about my son, there is one reason that I am grateful for fear, and I say this as I defiantly shake my fist at the one who meant it for ill:
Fear drives me closer to God.
Fear brings me to my knees in prayer, and it reminds me that this world is not my home. Fear points me back to the truth that one day, there will be no fear. There will come a day when I never again experience the not yet-ness of earth. Never again will my good days–not even my great days — be punctured by an ache, a gnawing, a fear, or the sense that even in the midst of seeming perfection, something is missing.
The feeling that I have, even in the most joyful seasons of my life, that feeling of temporality and of potential for loss, the feeling that there’s something more perfect than the perfection of this earth — that is my home calling.
One day I will have the perfect joy for which my soul longs. It will be the end of fear. My happy seasons of life will no longer be punctured by the fear of pain and loss, because there will be no more pain. “Perfect” truly will be perfect, as I dwell in eternity with my Savior, whose perfect love casts out fear.
As I pray through this fear about my son, that is my hope and my way forward. I’m going to meditate on God’s love, His goodness, and the home that He is preparing for me. Because I don’t know where my life is headed, but I do know that the end of this story isn’t fear. It’s never-ending joy.
Thanks be to God.
Photo cc on Flickr.
- Dave Jenkins, Jr. created a new gallery
- Brad Russell uploaded a photo
- Dave Jenkins just moved in. Take time to say hey.
- Drew DyckMy interview on the Logos blog on how we try to domesticate God. http://blog.vyrso.com/2014/04/23/stop-trying-to-tame-god-rediscovering-dangerous-christianity/
- Blake Atwood published the audio Reimaginining God's Eternal Purpose: Part I | Frank Viola.
- Victor Nunez just moved in. Take time to say hey.
- Lori Fogleman published the blogpost Baylor alum appointed to National Commission on Hunger.
- Dorothy Greco published the blogpost Relevant Magazine: Fear Doesn’t Have to Control Us.
- Lauren Sturdy published the article Fostering Adventures: Veteran Parents Rebuild Lives.
- Blake Atwood shared Getting Your Small Group to Like You: "If people genuinely don’t like you, and you’re a representation of Christ for them, then there’s a great chance you’re acting as a barrier for them to enjoying Jesus. It would be wise for us to not be a barrier. How to you get your small group to like you? Well you can start by taking a shower before group. Then, let’s get to the more important things." — Ben Reed
- Britni Wood published the blogpost IT’S HERE! Get the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle NOW!!!!.
- Deb Wolf published the blogpost A Dozen Things You Can Do to Start Really Living Today.
- Mike Liebler published the blogpost Kidnapped Boy, 10, Sang A Gospel Song For 3 HOURS Until Abductor Set Him Free.
- Mike Liebler published the blogpost Teens Who Suffer A Concussion More Likely To Attempt Suicide: study.
- Mike Liebler published the blogpost New Teen Deadly LSD-Like Drug 25I, or N-bomb Trends.
- Scott Couchenour published the blogpost Serve Strong: An Interview With Author Terry Powell (part 1).
- Brian Jones published the blogpost Should Churches Allow Their Pastors To Smoke Pot If It Is Legal?.
- Nathan Rouse published the blogpost #011 Four Questions You Should Be Asking Your Kids.
- Perry HancockGOD'S WORD 2DAY - Ephesians 2:10 "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works..."
When we think of work, we often see ourselves as employees of the company that provides us with a means to make a living. We may work for a bank, a school, a factory, or even a church.
In this verse we learn that we actually work for the Lord and that we were created to do good works for Him.
Today while you are at work remember that even though you have work to do for your company, you also have good works to do for the Lord.
Do something 2DAY for Him and share your story at 124GO.
- Jeff Randleman published the blogpost Book Review – How High Will You Climb? By John C. Maxwell.
- Donald Williams just moved in. Take time to say hey.
- solomon david published the blogpost Product Video – A Highly Advanced & Elegant X-Cart Module by Perception System.
- Adam Smith published the blogpost Hiring Great People Begins With Great Interview Questions – Glenn Brooke.
- Caitlin Wilson published the blogpost All My Belongings by Cynthia Ruchti | Giveaway, Live Webcast Event, and Blog Tour.
- Amy Lathrop published the blogpost All My Belongings by Cynthia Ruchti | Giveaway, Live Webcast Event, and Blog Tour.
- Judy Douglass published the blogpost My Practices for Walking Well with God-Guest Post by Steve Douglass.
- Stephen Morrissey published the blogpost CWS Podcast – Ep. 41: Even If You are Wrong, Be Consistent.
- Jed Davis published the blogpost The Most Overlooked & Underquoted Verses In All Of Scripture.
- Vineet Mehrotra just moved in. Take time to say hey.
- Bill Reichart published the blogpost How The World’s Most Creative People Lived Their Day.