How Do I Know If He’s The One?
How do you know if the guy you’re dating is ‘the One’? Will you “just know”?
The scary part about marriage is most people make this decision of gargantuan proportion in love, which by definition means your mind is hazy from all the 3am make-outs and sheer thrill thinking no one has ever loved like this before. Dating Michael for me meant my journal entries were frequent and swirly with emotional statements in all caps like “MICHAEL DEAN IS THE GREATEST ... & HE LOVES ME!” I will tell you that I knew he was ‘the One’ the first month we started talking; he knew I was ‘the One’ after he saw he perform a Taylor Swift song with some kids I was babysitting. Long story.
But how do you know? How do you know if the man you are dating is the person you should spend the rest of your life waking up next to?
We’ll talk more about this in Real Men Don’t Text (which is now just $7 at Amazon & Barnes and Noble), but it isn’t necessarily true that you’ll just know when you meet him. The ability to discern if your guy is right for you depends on who you’ve dated in the past and whether or not you know what a good relationship looks like. For example, if you’ve only dated players or even mediocre guys in the past and suddenly you decide your boyfriend is “the One” — I would caution you to take a step back and really evaluate. Sure, he may be better than all the other guys you’ve ever dated ... but you don’t marry better, you marry best. Amen from the married ladies?
Let’s look at a few characteristics of “the One”:
1.) Your friends and family agree.
Most of them, at least. If most of your friends and family think your guy brings out the best in you and will be a great person to start a life with that is a very good sign you might have found “the One”. You’ll want to be careful here with extremes. If everyone in your life has raised concern–parents, friends, and most people who know you well–I promise they are not trying to bully you; only care for you because they can often see red flags that you can’t. But it’s unreasonable to think that everyone will agree with your decision, so don’t worry if just a handful of people don’t like his taste in music or his career.
Is he trustworthy? Kind? Forgiving? Character makes marriages stand the test of time. Character is who he is when no one is looking. Does he do what is right or what is easy? Men of high character bring out the best in you. Are you a better version of yourself since meeting him? Will the two of you be better together rather than apart? These are all great questions to consider in making this choice.
3.) You don’t want to change him.
Do you love him just the way he is? Does he love you for you? If you have major changes you’re hoping happen in his life, he’s not “the One”. You can’t marry someone hoping they’ll change; just like he shouldn’t marry you hoping you’ll wake up one day and be a different person. Major changes sound like, “I really hope he stops drinking.”; “I’m praying for him to believe in God”; “I’m hoping he’ll open up to the idea of children.”
You love being with him. You have fun together. If you couldn’t make out with him, would you just enjoy being around him? Are you friends? The rich companionship in marriage is my favorite part. I’m telling you, Michael Dean makes me laugh more than anyone I know and I have more fun with him than with I could’ve imagined.
5.) He is a servant leader.
Lately, I’ve heard horror stories of ‘Christian men’ berating their wives and running their households like a dictatorship. Jesus demonstrated for men how husbands should love their wives — leading by serving. Michael is an incredible example of this style of leadership and he never demands that I “submit to his authority”. Can you trust him to lead your family? Or will you have to do all the heavy lifting?
6.) You are on the same life path.
Do you want the same things from life? Is his idea of success converting a Muslim country and yours is living down the street from your parents and traveling to the Caribbean every year? Does he want to live in a shoebox apartment in New York, but you can’t stand the city and long for a quiet house on acres of land? Talk about the future now and seriously consider if compromise is possible or if you need to move on. It may not seem like a big deal now, but it will become one.
7.) You have a voice in your relationship.
Does he make you feel special? Do your opinions matter, or is it all about him? You will suffer in the long-run if you have to put your dreams and goals on the back burner because he doesn’t see them as valuable.
Chivalry doesn’t mean you’re not a feminist and it isn’t degrading. Does he care for you and keep you safe? Treat you with respect? Do you feel special when you’re with him? Would he get in a fight on your behalf? Passivity is eating away at many men and you want to marry a man who rejects the urge to sit back.
What would you add to the list? If you are married, I’d love for the single ladies to hear in the comments how you knew your husband was the One.
Find more content like this in Strive.
Photo cc on Flickr.
- Brandi McElheney just moved in. Take time to say hey.
- Blake Atwood published the audio If You Want to be Successful, Stop Being So Accessible | Michael Hyatt.
- John Rutledge published the article New study suggests religion can predict sexual behavior.
- Jeff Reiter just moved in. Take time to say hey.
- Candace Andrews just moved in. Take time to say hey.
- Blake Atwood uploaded a photo
- Joe Padilla just moved in. Take time to say hey.
- Chris Peek published the blogpost Why Simplicity is Necessary to Live in a Story that Matters.
- Blake Atwood published the video 'Theology Questions Everyone Asks' Part II | Gary M. Burge & David Lauber.
- Blake Atwood published the video 'Theology Questions Everyone Asks' | Gary M. Burge & David Lauber.
- Blake Atwood published the video The Counselor: Why Do You Doubt? | Craig Groeschel.
- Ancuta Rusu-Sieng just moved in. Take time to say hey.
- Brad Russell shared How to Create and Manage a Blog (Part 1) | Tutorial: NEW BLOGGERS: You can network your blog into the site by clicking Manage My Loft/Blog. Here's a video explaining how to create and manage your blog in FV.
- Dave Jenkins, Jr. created a new gallery
- Brad Russell uploaded a photo
- Dave Jenkins just moved in. Take time to say hey.
- Drew DyckMy interview on the Logos blog on how we try to domesticate God. http://blog.vyrso.com/2014/04/23/stop-trying-to-tame-god-rediscovering-dangerous-christianity/
- Blake Atwood published the audio Reimaginining God's Eternal Purpose: Part I | Frank Viola.
- Victor Nunez just moved in. Take time to say hey.
- Lori Fogleman published the blogpost Baylor alum appointed to National Commission on Hunger.
- Dorothy Greco published the blogpost Relevant Magazine: Fear Doesn’t Have to Control Us.
- Lauren Sturdy published the article Fostering Adventures: Veteran Parents Rebuild Lives.
- Blake Atwood shared Getting Your Small Group to Like You: "If people genuinely don’t like you, and you’re a representation of Christ for them, then there’s a great chance you’re acting as a barrier for them to enjoying Jesus. It would be wise for us to not be a barrier. How to you get your small group to like you? Well you can start by taking a shower before group. Then, let’s get to the more important things." — Ben Reed
- Britni Wood published the blogpost IT’S HERE! Get the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle NOW!!!!.
- Deb Wolf published the blogpost A Dozen Things You Can Do to Start Really Living Today.
- Mike Liebler published the blogpost Kidnapped Boy, 10, Sang A Gospel Song For 3 HOURS Until Abductor Set Him Free.
- Mike Liebler published the blogpost Teens Who Suffer A Concussion More Likely To Attempt Suicide: study.
- Mike Liebler published the blogpost New Teen Deadly LSD-Like Drug 25I, or N-bomb Trends.
- Scott Couchenour published the blogpost Serve Strong: An Interview With Author Terry Powell (part 1).
- Brian Jones published the blogpost Should Churches Allow Their Pastors To Smoke Pot If It Is Legal?.
- Nathan Rouse published the blogpost #011 Four Questions You Should Be Asking Your Kids.
- Perry HancockGOD'S WORD 2DAY - Ephesians 2:10 "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works..."
When we think of work, we often see ourselves as employees of the company that provides us with a means to make a living. We may work for a bank, a school, a factory, or even a church.
In this verse we learn that we actually work for the Lord and that we were created to do good works for Him.
Today while you are at work remember that even though you have work to do for your company, you also have good works to do for the Lord.
Do something 2DAY for Him and share your story at 124GO.
- Jeff Randleman published the blogpost Book Review – How High Will You Climb? By John C. Maxwell.
- Donald Williams just moved in. Take time to say hey.
- solomon david published the blogpost Product Video – A Highly Advanced & Elegant X-Cart Module by Perception System.