In March 2011, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and Prevention issued its latest study regarding Sexual Behavior with some surprising and sobering findings. According to the survey of more than 13,500 males and females, increasing numbers of young adults are remaining virgins longer. Here are the highlights:
That’s encouraging as a father of two young daughters, knowing that this metaphorical Rubicon is getting wider years before my girls ever have to consider crossing it.
However, the study also found that eventually everyone between the ages of 25 and 44 has had sex if they delay marriage. About 98 percent of females and 97 percent of males in that range have had sexual contact with a member of the opposite gender.
Which leads me to the new book titled Asking All the Wrong Questions by my friend, author and fellow blogger Ally Spotts who writes daily about relationships and other topical issues at her excellent site www.allyspotts.com.
Ally graciously offered me an advance copy of her e-book, which fearlessly tackles critical issues regarding pre-martial sex in a frank and candid manner from a unique perspective – her own. Ally openly shares her personal struggles and stumbles, striving to navigate the dicey terrain of purity and abstinence before marriage as a Christian teenager and 20-something.
Her firsthand experiences are both heartfelt and heart-breaking at times, yet she eloquently exchanges her ashes for beauty in the form of shared wisdom to anyone desiring to wait for their wedding night versus prom night for sex.
The premise is straightforward, young faith-based adults are fixated with the question of “How far is too far?” or “What’s the real definition of sex?” Ally asserts that those questions aren’t helpful and should be replaced with more meaningful questions such as,”Why am I committed to waiting?” or “What relationships do I have that speak to my value” in addition to several of others.
Here are a few of the most profound insights she shares:
Strong (physical) boundaries create security in a relationship – not chaos. (p. 16)
Good relationships are good in part because of a commitment demonstrated even when things are difficult. Relationships are more about holiness (wholeness) than they are about happiness. (p.20)
If the purpose of my relationships is happiness, then anytime I feel unhappy or uncomfortable the temptation will be to end my relationship. If the purpose of my relationship is holiness then I’ll see discomfort as an opportunity to work toward becoming more whole. (p.21)
Ally ultimately shares that she and her fiancé have both committed to purity until they’re married in the next few months. Some may call that quaint, old-fashioned or outdated. I prefer to call it honorable and hope my girls can someday do the same.
In fact, the highest praise I can give for Ally’s book is that I intend to have my daughters read it once they’re mature enough for the content. Her book will be available tomorrow at her web site www.allyspotts.com for $0.99 – but rest assured that the wisdom it contains is priceless.
Originally posted on November 9, 2011.