when you (I) are still trying to impress (in)RL

I guess I noticed it at the ice breaker. The one that started with: spend about 5 minutes telling us what you do and a little about yourself.

I was about the 4th or 5th one to share. I don't really remember.

I was busy with my mental list of things to say, ways to impress them.

When trying to decide what to wear, I opted an inbetween of two options. One, get really dressed up, or two, wear my everyday-dress-down-flip-flop outfits.

I chose comfortable clothes with dressy shoes. I've hidden behind clothes, makeup, hair, dressed to the nines as a way to, what? Impress? Be superior when I felt totally inferior? To get a leg up?

But it doesn't impress or do any of those things. What it does do: keeps people at arm's length. So, I chose carefully and compromised for the in-between.

The folks before me shared a little about their jobs and careers, some sharing their dreams of writing.

I'm thinking of plain jane me. The work/stay-at-home me. The one who might be in pajamas half the day doing chores and meals, then a no-hair brushed-hair-minus-makeup teacher of homeschoolers in the afternoon.

I tried to up the ante on my mental checklist and gave it my all, sortof.

Then the lady next to me shared.

And she shared where she was at, in real life.

No pretense or trying to impress, like me.

She laid it out there and I thought, "Wow, as much as I blog about being real, here I am hiding, again. And she? She did the very thing my heart desires to do."

Some days are braver than others.

Then another lady shared her situation, her fears about fitting in, and where she's at, in real life.

And I think, "This is how to go fast and hard at God: being vulnerable and exposed."

The quickest way to the heart is by opening it.

I need to practice bravery and courage like this. There are times I do but then times I'm grabbing my shell for cover. But those brave ladies went first and I followed.

That's when our (in)RL meeting, got real. And we shared our fears about meeting women and how we view them as, competition?? Or what we think of ourselves in a room full of them? And how we just plain try to either impress (me) or want to slink away from them.

We shared about how we sometimes define ourselves by what we do. Or is that always how we define ourselves? But that's not how God defines us. We shared that too.

We shared about value and worth and how it all gets redefined when life falls apart. Yet, we aren't valued in those ways in God's eyes.

We shared about balance. Our "yes"s and our "no"s and finding ways to edit our life accordingly. While too much editing may mean we need to make intentional efforts to connect again.

We shared about how our ministry may seem small, compared to others or the world.We shared our hearts.

When we share pieces of where we are at, in real life, that is when we connect. Really connect.

It may have only been for that morning, but it was enough.

Friendships aren't about impressing. But rather about pressing into the interior. The facade is perishable and superficial. But the interior life is where we live.

In real live, I'm on an exercise, a practice of the interior having a well-oiled door that's unlocked and ready to open on a moment's notice.




{ps. In the picture, I'm the 3rd one from the right in black and, yeah, hiding behind the lovely lady in white.}




 Shared this at (in)courage.me about the (in)RL conference.

Also shared at Laura's "The Wellspring" and at LLBarkat's "On, In, Around Mondays".